I’ve had another busy week, Grumpies. I retired.

I figured I had to disappear from public life some day, so I might as well go out now while I was at the top of my game. The Big Cheese Dip. Numero Uno. The Honcho in the Poncho.

So I talked to the boys down at The Daily Scandal Sheet and, shockingly, they accepted my letter of resignation without too much fuss. Probably didn’t want to make an ugly scene, crying and sniffling and stuff.

So there I was on Monday afternoon, a man of leisure.

Let me tell you something, Grumpies. Being retired is BORING. First there was Bingo with Eleanor and her friends down at the Senior Center. Let’s just say I was the most active one of the bunch. At least I could butter my own toast!

Bingo was followed by a walk around the lake. These people are nuts. Walking in a circle? Why go to all that effort (and sweat) just to end up where you started? I was slowly going bonkers.

So on Tuesday, I headed back to the Scandal Sheet. But after a long meeting with the higher-ups, they said they couldn’t reinstate Da Grump. Something about making decisions and moving on with younger writers.

I was stunned, Grumpies. Absolutely stunned.

So I took my newspaper clippings a few miles south and got a tryout with that other Scandal Sheet down there in Vancouver. They don’t have CowBlitz County style gridiron bashes, but they do play football down there. And I was desperate.

So I got out my circa-1980 Smith-Corona typewriter (Da Grump don’t do computers, remember) and whipped out a fine and provocative column about prep football in Clark County. Or is it Lewis & Clark County? It doesn’t matter Grumpies, because even though it was a darn fine piece of writing, those Couv Heads didn’t appreciated it.

I just didn’t feel satisfied. So I retired again.

How does Brett Fav-ruh do this, anyway? Retiring is stressful business.

Eleanor and I headed back up I-5, because Da Grump had to come back to the place where football looms large on both sides of the river — and super-sized nachos with extra jalapenos loom even larger.

Eleanor, bless her heart, was very supportive. I just didn’t quite get why she says I don’t understand what the word “retire” means.

Once again, I swallowed my pride, hitched up my XXL Woodland Beavos sweatpants and asked for my job back. Again, the brain trust at the Scandal Sheet threw me out on my Smith-Corona.

I must write, Grumpies. It’s in my blood. So next, I landed a spot at the Cowlitz Nickel Shopper Tribune, where they said I could write all the football columns I wanted — as long as I could churn out classified ads selling goats, boats, cars and firewood.

Well, of course I could do the work, Grumpies, I’m a pro. But I have to admit, I missed those cocky sports dudes at The Daily Scandal Sheet, so I tried once more to un-retire. I heard there was an opening for a good PR writer for the Detroit Lions, but …

Finally, I got through to those suits down at the Scandal Sheet and, well, I finally got my job back. I think I did, anyway. If you are reading this in print on Friday morning, then I was successful in my un-retirement. What the head guy actually said was: “Fine. Whatever. But there are going to be some concessions.”

Concessions! I was hoping he meant extra hotdogs and nachos. Maybe even a burger buffet.

Eleanor now says I don’t understand the meaning of “pay cut.”

Wake the kids and phone the neighbors, Grumpies, cuz I went 14-1 last week to bring my season mark to 53-17 heading into these head-scratchers …

PREPS

Mark Morris at Woodland: Goodness, this one should be an offensive circus. The M&Mers have the ground weapons to wear down the Beavos’ D-line. But the Beavos have Gunslinger Hurn and ol’ Brady Bunch, which has to make the M&Mers’ secondary squirm. In the end, it’ll be the Monarchs’ big uglies in the trenches to settle things.

Baby Blue Marauders 21, Mean Greenleaf Machine 14

Hockinson at R.A. Long: Jackies are coming off an emotional win over the Mean Greenleaf Machine, in which they withstood Hurn’s 400-yard-plus night to win 48-35. The Hawks traditionally beat up on RAL, but things are a little different this time. Watch for Jackies’ quickness to punch a hole in Hockinson.

Nichols Boulevard 27, Ball Hawkers 18

Castle Rock at Kalama: Always a classic when these Trico tyrants get together. Rock rolled up a big one last year at Rocket Stadium, but the scene changes to K-Town for the ’09 tussle. Nookies get ’er done with blazing speed in the backfield and a big-play defense.

Phi Slamma Kalama 20, Rock Solid 13

Mountain View at Kelso: The Domers administered an old-fashioned butt-whuppin’ on those Ever Greenies last Thursday, which nearly caused my pal Rick Roberts to tumble out of the radio booth. Big-time defense got some help from a big-play offense, with Mr. Sari and that human snow-plow O’Neil kid running wild. It’ll be tougher this week, but Schroeder homies get to see a win.

Golden Domers 35, Thundie Undies 28

Napavine at Wahkiakum: Da Mules play host to the defending state champ-yuns tonight, and Da Grump is going with his first hunch. And that first hunch says The Hammer’s boys are hungrier than Rosie O’Donnell on a cruise ship.

Mule Train 16, Tiggers 12

COLLEGES

Florida at LSU: No Tebow, no win for the Gators. Simple as that. Bayou’s defense should feast on Tebow’s backup, and the offense should muster enough to get the job done.

Bayou Tiggers 17, Gator Bait 13

Oregon at UCLA: No Masoli, no win for the Ducklings. He’s the dude who makes that offense purr. Costa, his understudy, doesn’t have the quickness or strength to victimize that talented Bruin defense.

LA-LA Land 20, YouGene Hippies 17

Stanford at Oregon State: This is gonna be a real bloody-knuckle showdown. Cardinal kids will come right at the Beavs with that rumblin’ Toby fella, and the Beavs will counter with that fleet-footed Quizz kid. Huggers get it done!

Tree Huggers 23, Corn Valley 20

Arizona at Washington: Dawgs should’ve toppled Touchdown Jesus last week. Grump sez we should find out who those replay refs were and turn over their cars. Jake and the boys will take out some frustration on the Mildcats, who won at Corn Valley a few weeks ago but won’t be able to put up all that much vs. UW’s defense.

Montlake 30, ’Zona 21

Arizona State at Washington State: Stop the madness! Wazzu can’t see to find a QB who can … 1) Stay healthy; 2) Avoid a sack; 3) Keep his lunch down after the first quarter. Denny returns to Pullman and rules the roost.

Pitchforks 26, Palouse Palookas 14

PROS

Dallas at Kansas City: The Pokes will finally tangle with a team it can handle. But Romo still ain’t worthy of wearin’ that star on the side of his hat.

Fire Wade Phillips 24, Jan Stenarud’s alma mater 14

Oakland at N.Y. Giants: Even if Peyton’s little brother doesn’t play, this one’s gonna be a laugher. The real comic value will be Raiders hapless QB DeMarcus Russell trying to withstand that classic Giants pass rush.

G-Men 31, Raid-duhs 10

New England at Denver: The Hoodie takes on his former assistant, the new Bronc boss, and teaches his old buddy a thing or two about flipping the offensive switch. Brady vs. Orton? ’Nuff said.

Patsies 23, Formerly Undefeated 9

N.Y. Jets at Miami: That rookie QB in the Big Apple still has a thing or two to learn about protecting the pigskin. Fins are tough at home on Monday night.

Fins 19, Nyets 14

Jacksonville at Seattle: If the SeaChickens can’t win this one, hey, let’s just toss in the towel right now. Weak Jags offense won’t move the ball consistently against a Seattle defense that’s all too happy to bid a hearty adieu to Peyton.

SeaSlobs 28, Jags 15

Gridiron Grump’s column appears Fridays in The Daily News during football season. He can be reached gridgrump@tdn.com