Many service members returning from war have a hard time readjusting to life back home. As many as one-third suffer from irritability, nightmares, emotional swings and more — signs of post-traumatic stress disorder.

And they're often not the only ones in their households who suffer, participants in a downtown Tacoma conference learned Friday.

For children of military personnel, the change in a parent's behavior can cause confusion, fright, worry, attachment issues or feelings of being unloved.

Some studies indicate these kids can suffer from a form of PTSD themselves.

Scott Swaim, a mental health counselor from Tacoma, met with a roomful of education and medical officials from across the state and offered them different ways to address the issue. For many listening to his talk at the Greater Tacoma Convention & Trade Center, their job is to spread the word about how to get help for troops and their families.

"Silence is the biggest killer out there," said Swaim, a contractor for the state Department of Veterans Affairs. "You don't process it. You don't deal with it."

Swaim delivered his presentation at the Washington State Military Kids and Families Summit, the third annual gathering focused on issues affecting spouses and children of service members — from health care to strains on marriage to help for kids transferring between school districts.

Thousands of children around the South Sound have moms or dads serving in Iraq or Afghanistan, where more than 15,000 troops just from Fort Lewis are currently serving.

Friday's summit was anchored by a panel of teens sharing their experiences, as well as a speech by U.S. Sen. Patty Murray, D-Wash.

The speakers and presenters echoed a similar theme: Supporting a service member includes providing help to his or her family.

"Making sure the families are supported is a matter of national security," Murray, a senior member of the Senate Committee on Veterans Affairs, said.

And for many of the teens of service members, that means helping to build understanding between military families and others who might not be as knowledgeable about life amid frequent moves, new schools and deployments.

"Military families are different, but they're also really similar to regular families," Amanda Humphrey, an 18-year-old daughter of a Washington Air National Guardsmen, told the crowd in the convention center's ballroom. "They go through the same drama. They just have some different conflicts and challenges to go through."

Those challenges include the prospect of not talking to a deployed parent for weeks.

The teens discussed different ways of coping; many said keeping in communication over phone and e-mail was the best way to alleviate stress.

"It's hard on my mom and my brothers and me because we miss him a lot," said Robert Michel, a 14-year-old who lives on Fort Lewis. "But there's not a lot we can do about it because it's his job."

Terilyn Young, a 17-year-old daughter of a Washington National Guard soldier, had a different view.

"I don't see it as coping because I see it as my dad's job to go on drill weekends or deployments," she said. "I'm proud of him. I don't see it as coping; I see it as part of my life."

Switching schools can be difficult. Many teens discussed the frustration with different graduation requirements and meeting new people every few years.

"It would be nice if the guidance counselors would know that we're not the typical transfer student," Humphrey said. "We have a unique home life. It's not just unpacking your boxes and trying to find your favorite pair of shoes. You want to meet new friends. Your parents might not be living at home when you move."

And Michel said he and his peers are more emotional than many adults realize.

"We deal with problems too, even though it won't look like it," he said. "We'll have a straight face when your dad deploys, but we know he's going out there and putting himself in harm's way to protect our country."

Growing up in the military also has some benefits, some panelists said.

"I didn't mind it too much because I have friends everywhere," said Colby Wood, a former Army kid who's now 20 and working in Seattle. "I have friends in Germany, Hawaii, the East Coast, Colorado. I think that's really unique."