So horrific I won't be able to look away
Friday, November 21, 2008 11:36 PM PST
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E-mail this articleColumn by Christian Caple
For The Daily News
PULLMAN — Traffic slows down around the scene of a car accident.
Obviously, a wreck is going to cause some logistical problems. It’s kind of hard to maneuver around a mangled SUV in the middle of the freeway.
But it slows down traffic in the opposite lanes, too, because people stop to watch.
I don’t like to. Still, every time I’m on I-5 and there’s a car accident in the opposite lane of travel, I can’t help but steal a glance.
And that is exactly why I’m excited for today’s Apple Cup.
We’re going to see a collision between two of the worst teams in the history of the Pac-10, a game that’s drawing national attention for its guaranteed ugliness.
When Washington (0-10) and Washington State (1-10) meet at noon for the 101st time in Pullman (a fitting location for the expected quality of play), it will be the first time that two 10-loss teams will face off in Pac-10 history.
I’m reminded of a scene from the movie “Uncle Buck,” in which John Candy’s character becomes fixated on a mole on the principal’s face.
It’ll be disgusting, yes. But God help me if I can’t watch every minute of it.
Is nobody else intrigued by this?
Good defense beats a good offense. But what happens when two of the worst offenses in the country are playing two of the worst defenses ever assembled?
Does historically awful defense beat depressingly anemic offense?
Will the Huskies’ ever-regressing passing game be able to feast on WSU’s point-a-minute secondary?
Does the recently-concussed Kevin Lopina have the edge over Washington’s piecemeal defensive backfield? Or will the Huskies’ dreadful defensive front be able to overpower the Cougars’ equally terrible offensive line? What happens if UW gets to the quarterback on a blitz? Nobody can really be certain that they’ve been given instructions as to what to do after that.
What happens if UW tailback Brandon Johnson finds an open hole to run through? That’s certainly never happened before. We can’t be sure how he’ll react. So this game is like a scientific study of sorts.
How will either team react to having a lead? Both squads may have to log on to mapquest.com for directions to the end zone.
Does Jerry Glanville watch this game from his Portland home, shaking his head after every Cougar turnover and muttering, “How did we lose to these guys?!?”
And what about that Las Vegas betting line? Washington is a 7 1/2-point favorite. Yes, winless Washington. Winless! And favored! On the road!
How anyone can put money on this game is beyond me. That’s like deciding who the better broadcaster is between Barry Tompkins and Petros Papadakis. Somewhat fittingly, both are working this game for FSN.
If this isn’t an Apple Cup for the ages, I don’t know what is. Washington’s win in 2002 will live forever in Husky lore. UW’s upset again in ’03 will never be forgotten. Same with the Drew Bledsoe snow game.
But something tells me a 3-0 win for either team in triple overtime, or a 63-60 finish would no sooner be erased from memory than any other game in the history of the rivalry. Especially since either of those outcomes is a very real possibility.
So when I made the trek over Snoqualmie Pass to the east side Friday, I did so with a boyish giddiness not felt since Ken Griffey Jr. roamed center field for the Mariners.
I love me some schadenfreude. That’s “pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others,” for those of you who don’t speak German and don’t believe in Wikipedia.
There will be plenty of it today to go around.
Christian Caple, a 2006 Mark Morris graduate, covers the Huskies for the The Daily, UW’s student newspaper. He can be reached at huskydude30@hotmail.com
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