Story Photos
 Lee Hyojung, front, and Lee Yongdae of South Korea compete in their gold medal match against Indonesia's Nova Widianto and Liliyana in the mixed doubles badminton finals. Bullit Marquez / The Associated Press
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Alvord: Can't get enough of Beijing Games
Thursday, August 21, 2008 6:03 PM PDT
By Rick S. Alvord
Sports Editor
Printable version
E-mail this articleI’ve been waiting to come back from a brief vacation (in the sports pod, we call them “hibernations”) so I could point out how ridiculous some of these Olympic events are becoming.
You know, the picnic sports.
Did the U.S. medal in lawn darts yesterday? What about synchronized lawn darts?
And how ’bout the water balloon toss? I hear the Soviets — er, RUSSIANS! — are quite strong.
I’ve been waiting for my chance to complain, which is something I’m getting extremely good at with gas prices, lunatic drivers on the Civic Center and the 400-games-out-of-first-place Seattle Mariners currently pushing my cranky buttons.
But that’s not going to happen. Because today’s offering could easily be titled, “Confessions of a Summer Olympics junkie.”
Maybe it’s my advancing age, but I no longer have the energy to rant over the Olympics. I’ve checked my sarcasm at the door. I’ve officially thrown in the beach volleyball towel on this one.
Ladies and gentlemen, I love the Olympics.
It must be love. Why else would I watch nearly all of the women’s marathon, which was won by a Romanian whose name I can’t pronounce and whose pitter-patter gallop made my feet ache even while sprawled in a recliner?
Why else would I glue my eyes on a high-def television screen showing ... badminton?
While we’re at it, did you catch any of the trampoline action? Uh-huh, I said trampoline. The last time I watched trampoline on TV, some poor guy on “America’s Funniest Home Videos” went crashing crotch-first into a fence.
I’ve witnessed field hockey, team handball and BMX biking. Even table tennis, which I’m pretty sure we Americans would dominate if Forrest Gump came out of retirement.
I’ve stayed up well past my bedtime to soak up the water polo, the weightlifting and the rhythmic tire throw. OK, I made up that last one, but I’d watch that, too, if the Olympic honchos put it on television.
By the way, when does kayaking start?
The reason for this rekindled passion is more difficult to figure out than the gymnastics tiebreaker in Monday’s uneven bars competition.
It could be that I’m more patriotic than I used to be. But I don’t think so.
Maybe it’s NBC’s telecast, which is superb — until I’m forced to translate what gymnastics guru Bela Karolyi is trying to tell us as he gyrates in his chair.
Could be the medal ceremonies, with close-up shots of the tears flowing down the athletes’ cheeks. I like that.
Actually, corny as it sounds, I think it has something to do with growing to appreciate what these athletes go through just to call themselves Olympians. That said, there is something intriguing about inviting thousands of men and women from all over the planet to a two-week sports party.
As for mid-party observations, it’s difficult not to begin with U.S. swimmer Michael Phelps, the toothy kid from Baltimore who won eight gold medals to eclipse Mark Spitz’s record (seven, 1972 in Munich).
Spitz, if you’ll remember, struck gold while wearing a marble-sack Speedo adorned with American flags, a Magnum P.I. mustache, a bushy head of hair and no swim cap.
Yes, Phelps had an advantage over Spitz in swimsuit technology. And it also helps to have a team of dieticians and trainers helping you maintain that strong, locomotive stride in the pool.
But let’s not kid ourselves here. Phelps is a machine. Spitz was a guy with a big mustache who clobbered mediocre competition.
Here’s hoping that Phelps won’t end up on every other TV commercial, peddling Chevrolets or Corn Flakes or pull-out sofas. Too much Mike would be a bad thing, even if he has more gold hanging around his neck right now than Snoop Dogg.
Beach volleyball has been enjoyable to watch. The U.S. team of Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor has been unstoppable, as expected, displaying uncanny athleticism en route to the gold medal match.
My guess is that the TV ratings will be high for this sport, especially among males who enjoy watching athletic ladies in bikinis run around in the sand. You know who you are.
Women’s gymnastics featured more drama than a daytime soap. We all felt for American Alicia Sacramone, who did a perfect Bill Buckner impersonation while bombing out on the balance beam and floor exercise in the team competition.
Poor girl. If she lived in China, she’d be sewing sneakers for Nike next week.
Nastia Liukin of the U.S. did us proud by winning the all-around gold, then finished second on the uneven bars behind a girl from China who looks like she should be working on a third-grade finger-painting project.
Liukin and China’s He Kexin had the exact same score, but due to a convoluted tiebreaker that would make a Harvard grad’s ears bleed, Liukin was awarded silver and Kexin the gold.
Why not just award gold to each gymnast? Because it’s gymnastics. And it’s the Olympics.
No one said this party was perfect. But all things considered, it’s still worthy of summer love.
Originally published Aug. 20, 2008.
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