Hungry for competition? Swallow this!
Tuesday, July 8, 2008 6:56 PM PDT
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E-mail this articleColumn by Rick S. Alvord
Sports editor
It’s not often that a real, live, breathing world champion pays a visit to the Northwest.
And, to be honest, it’s not often that I am fortunate enough to weasel my way into an interview with a genuine world champ.
To be fair, I haven’t interviewed him yet. Not sure I need to.
This particular world champ doesn’t throw a ball, shoot a ball or hit a ball. He doesn’t run, jump or drive a souped-up Chevy sedan around in circles at 180 mph.
This guy is the best in the world at something you and I do every day of our lives — some of us more than others.
This weekend, the Chinook Winds Casino Resort in Lincoln City, Ore., is proudly bringing in world champion competitive eater Joey “Jaws” Chestnut.
Go ahead, digest that for a moment. Now catch your breath.
Chestnut is 24 years old but has the colon of an 84-year-old. OK, so I have no medical proof to back that up. The point is, the kid eats stuff for a living. He’s the No. 1 ranked male in the International Federation of Competitive Eaters Association (IFOCE), and just last week won his second straight Nathan’s Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island.
Chestnut upset long-time wiener king Takeru “The Tsunami” Kobayashi of Japan last year by downing 66 dogs in 12 minutes. This year, the face-stuffing rivals tied with 59 dogs, but Chestnut retained the title via tiebreaker by winning a timed five-frankfurter faceoff.
Say it with me: U-S-A! U-S-A!
Chestnut is coming to the Oregon coast to battle all-comers — as well as several of his fellow IFOCE competitors — in a nationally sanctioned rib eating contest. In fact, if you feel like you’re wasting your eating skills on the family and want to spread your gluttonous wings on the grand stage, you can throw on a bib enter the contest for a mere 20 bucks.
The top four amateurs from Saturday advance to Sunday’s 3 p.m. finals against Chestnut and his pals, with the winner taking home $1,500.
(Warning: Prize money for amateurs does not include cost of having stomach pumped at nearest emergency room.)
The fine folks at the casino told me to call them if I had a craving to interview Chestnut. Yeah, well, my career hasn’t deteriorated to that point yet, but thanks anyway.
For some reason, I think I already know what he’d say ...
TDN: Nice work defending our national honor at Coney Island, Mr. Chestnut. I guess you showed that skinny foreigner, didn’t you?
JOEY: “Please! I never want to disrespect an opponent the caliber of the great Kobayashi. But just between you and me, it felt really good to see him crying in his puke bucket.”
TDN: How did you become a world champ? Is this something you’ve worked at since you were a youngster?
JOEY: “Actually, I was kind of a picky eater as a kid. My parents were always yelling at me to clean my plate.”
TDN: How ironic. Well, I see here in your portfolio that a few months ago you broke the world record for deep-fried asparagus eating. You devoured 8.8 pounds in 10 minutes, breaking your own record of 8.6 pounds. Asparagus, Mr. Chestnut? Deep-fried asparagus?
JOEY: “What’s wrong with mixing in some veggies now and then? You see, I am a role model now and kids look up to me. When you’re a world champ, you have to remember that you’re always under a microscope. So eat those veggies, kids! And stay in school!”
TDN: Do you view yourself as a world-class athlete?
JOEY: “Hey pal, I’m out there competing, too, just like Tom Brady and Kobe Bryant and that Tiger Woods fella. Speaking of, did you see where that wimpy Tiger moaned up a storm just because his knee was sore while he chased his little white ball around in the grass? C’mon! A few months ago, I was battling a gnarly canker sore and still made 17 platters of spicy wings disappear.”
TDN: Ah yes, the 2008 Wing Bowl in downtown Philadelphia. That’s the night you took down Wing Bowl legend Bill “El Wingador” Simmons.
JOEY: “I played through the pain. You have to when El Wingador is bibbing up against you.”
TDN: So you’re coming to Chinook Winds Casino for a rib contest. Have the organizers promised you anything when you get there?
JOEY: “Loose slots. Other than that, they tell me the competition will be top-notch.”
TDN: So are you worried that one of the amateurs, possibly someone from right here in Cowlitz County, will steal the spotlight from you?
JOEY: “No way! I could beat those guys with my esophagus tied behind my back.”
Spoken like a true champion.
If you’re interested in competing this weekend, it helps if you like ribs. Lots and lots of ribs.
Just make sure to clean your plate and make sure your insurance is paid up.
roscoepekoe wrote on Jul 9, 2008 8:50 AM:
And Wing Bowl happens in the morning, not night. Joey would have told you that. "
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