New column: You really think we'd allow that?
Thursday, December 13, 2007 10:23 AM PST
By Cal FitzSimmons
Printable version
E-mail this articleIn the spirit of the holidays, I will share with you the best of the rejected tdn.com story comments from the past few weeks.
Sadly, these bon mots didn’t make it through our fairly lenient approval process, for various and often obvious reasons.
I present them here mostly out of context since they are no longer attached to the stories for which they were intended. Still, they stand on their own merits, meaning they are mostly legless. Some were slightly edited to make them acceptable, though that “acceptability” bar wasn’t set real high.
I didn’t fix spelling or grammar because I didn’t want to interfere with the essence of the writer.
If you’re offended by rudeness, crudeness, bizarre thought patterns and borderline obscenities, please stop reading.
Anyway, here’s what they (or you) tried to say, followed by my thoughts.
“Anyone who owns a pitbull should be hanged. If you like pitbulls you are scum and are too afraid to fight your own battles.”
-- Let’s have a discussion about the death penalty. No, let’s not. Let’s just say poodle owners aren’t liking that slippery slope you’re heading down.
"If You are so Rightous,come back to town and see what happen's to You!!"
-- It’s possible the Welcome Wagon lady posted this as part of her gift basket planning process, but some people might have seen it as a smidge threatening.
"We've got a noose for you and everyone in your family!"
-- Probably pulled that one right off a Christmas card.
"yoy yoyoyoyo sup … that sure was a swell rally huh? maybe we should post are video on utube! HUH? "
-- Though this post raises some good points and I love the way it concludes, I think I’ll wait for the You Tube version.
"you skinheads are a bunch of turds ill pee on each and everyone of you"
-- This comment gets extra credit for using two bodily discharges in one sentence but it seems vaguely threatening.
"I like grapes."
-- The last thing we want is to ignite a debate on grapes. That could get overheated in a hurry. Plus, the story didn’t mention grapes.
“Go to **** ya inbred pigs!"
-- More Christmas card material.
“I agree,Longview and Kelso are full of uneducated retard’s.”
-- I don’t like the word “retard.” But in this case it offers me an opportunity to discuss possessives. When a word ends with “s” you only use an apostrophe if … ah, never mind.
“highway officials don’t know how to whipe themselves let alone make a call like how long the road will be closed”
-- It seemed like fair comment, but we did some checking and it turns out highway officials do know how to wipe themselves, though whether they can “whipe” themselves remains in question.
"Penalty is a night out with your big fat ugly mamma. No fun, cuz she likes women.”
-- Seems to cross the civility line a bit. Judgment call, I guess.
“we should sell tags for drug addicts…no bag limit”
-- An interesting idea, people roaming our streets in hunting gear, shooting everyone they think might be an addict. But this idea probably would face serious issues with that pesky Constitution thingy.
"GO SEAHAWKS!! "
-- Seems like a perfectly fine comment. I think we owe an apology to the person who tried to post it, Mr. Heywood Jablowmi.
”"I’ve sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women’s bodies are constantly scrutinized,” Now that she has a huge can.”
-- You sit in silence for all that time thinking about what to say, and that’s what you come up with?
"What kind of drug's was this woman on?
-- You only use the apostrophe when …
"FTD"
-- An Oregon State Beavers fan tried to post this before the Civil War game with the Oregon Ducks. Best I can figure, he was trying to order flowers and went to the wrong Web site.
"the emptiness can rattles the most."
Flashbacks to philosophy class.
"This is why I don't subscribe to the Daily News anymore - Why is there barely ANY coverage of GOOD clean local news? Guess it doesn't sell papers.... just a bunch of bored dumba$$ teenagers and horse sh** - nothing a ton of elbow grease couldn't solve.
-- Yes, clean is better.
"Chew on this Cal. People that work in restaraunts typically don't make much money, certainly not enough to be wasting 4 bucks on a cup of coffee. So calling those people stupid and lazy is pretty stupid. If I was you, I'd be worried about someone spitting in my food the next time I eat out. Chew on that. "
-- Arrrrghhh! Someone else said I called people fat and lazy. Repeat after me, “cheap and lazy.” I called people cheap and lazy, not stupid and lazy, not fat and lazy. But this does present a fine opportunity to remind people to always tip your food servers generously.
Past Month's Most Commented Stories